President Obama. Has a good ring to it – finally something feels normal. Plus, the rest of the world loves him – this bodes well for we Americans living overseas (fewer public humiliations involving stones)…

HHR links to a post by a Swede* living in China, regarding foreigners’ horrendous behavior towards locals. You do see white people behaving like complete morons quite often, though some of the behaviors she points to (shouting “Waitress!” in restaurants) are perfectly in line with local norms. Of course there is always a question of perception – and whether or not we’re getting the practices right, with all of the nuance (what nuance is there in shouting across a restaurant? I don’t know – that’s why it’s nuanced).  

It is very, very easy to be filled with a sense of alienation in interactions. Simply because of this, my own modus operandi is to err on the side of excessive politeness so that when I am actually being a jerk it might come off as quaint. But that got me wondering – is my insistence on Western ways while here a form of condemnation?

By refusing to yell at waitresses, and flagging them down with hand motions (eye contact, not so useful); insisting on lining up in a queue no matter what sort of aggressive mob is pushing, or shrugging off every friendly / rude utterance of “HELLO!” with a smiled 你好 – all of which are minor issues of no real consequence other than one’s patience. Does doing so however imply a judgement? I’m personally more comfortable, and don’t feel like the behavior is causing any harm.

The really sticky ones are when you see people arguing or fighting in public (often a young man and a woman – it’s much more physical than I’m used to, involving lots of strong pulling). I’ve seen this particular scenario three times now, in each instance the situation was entirely ignored by other Chinese. Each time I stayed back and just watched, fearing escalation between the two. I had been previously informed that it’s very dangerous to get involved in domestic disputes of any sort given the risk of the man losing face, and calling his crew in to beat some local knowledge into you. It seems like a question of degree – if someone were being hit, the urge to interfere would be much greater. My own opinion is that cultural relativism should be thrown out when physical safety is involved – and the amazing fact that interfering in local disputes would fulfill another uniquely modern-American stereotype…

After inquiring about what should be done in this circumstance, I was informed that such scenes are fairly common, and usually result “from a girl who wants attention from her boyfriend / husband. The best way to get it is to make a big scene in public so that he risks losing face.”

Still, the everyday behavior of foreigners living here is often embarrassing. There’s no excusable reason for it, even “that’s how the locals do it” – chances are you’re doing it wrong. In contrast, maintaining your own peoples’ courteous habits is also a way of demonstrating to people here what other culture’s habits are like – sugarcoated though they may be for voyeuristic foreign consumption.

* of all foreign groups represented here, the Swedes are impeccably well behaved. Perhaps this woman’s standards are too-high! In truth, the Americans I know all seem fairly friendly as well. It’s those darn Russians… And the French. No one likes the French. Anywhere.