One aspect of China that I’ve had some difficulty adjusting to are the prevailing taboos around cell phone use. The most significant difference is that one must always answer their phone. This seems to be the result of having no voice mail (not sure why, since it doesn’t seem difficult to implement from a technical perspective.) I have, for example, seen mile long riot acts read to a friend [in text message form] after they fail to answer their local lady friend’s cell phone call while eating dinner with me [note - the proper, culturally sensitive response in this instance is: 'woman git in the kitchen and boil me some noodles']. The only time that someone is allowed not to answer their phone is if they ‘are in an important meeting with their boss’ (direct from earlier riot act).

The level of umbrage stemming from non-phone-call answering is approximately equivalent to what we gringos might feel if someone ignores our voice message for several days. Of course, gringos here are given more of a free pass to not pick up their cell phone. Personally I expect that someone will text if they have something important to say. Instead, they will just keep calling – seven, eight, nine times in a row – for a perfectly normal, unimportant message. This sort of tyrany is why people answer their cell phones in the movie theater, during a large dinner banquet, or while speeding through traffic on an electric motor-trike. Mass data analysis corroborates this phenomenon:

Typing in “girlfriend” reveals several interesting results, including, “what should I do if my girlfriend doesn’t answer her cell phone?” [answer: call again later; or better yet text her saying git in the kitchen and boil me some noodles]. A woman’s failure to answer the phone in this instance denies the simpering mainland lad the opportunity to profess his undying love for the fourth time that day; and obviously means that the girl in question 1) no longer loves the young Chinese man and won’t let him carry her handbag anymore or 2) she’s cheating on him at that very moment and 1 will logically follow.

So, when in China, always answer your phone.

So I’ve been interviewed a few times by various papers here. This was one such instance by the Hubei Daily (湖北日报). They recorded and broadcast it, and streamed it online. It features me stuttering on in Chinese (I was pretty nervous) about movies and cross-cultural interpretations thereof. For example, many Chinese are very curious as to why Transformers did not win an Oscar. Serious.

Background: so during the spring I agreed to do movie showings at a small tea and coffee shop. Motivations were doing so were only partially self-interested: one of the purposes of the Fulbright is to spread American culture abroad. What better way to do this than show and discuss controversial films that clearly demonstrate my homeland’s proficiency in matters of military prowess?

It turned out to be a very fruitful relationship, as I gained access to numerous reporters and some local officials who were in charge of news editing [cens0rship] for rural Hubei. Many of them were into movies, and knew the cafe owner. American History X generated a lot of discussion about race relations and gun culture in the U.S. Nobody really understood Doctor Strangelove. Don’t show that one if you do something like this. The interviewer was very curious as to why Westerners like more artistic Chinese films like the works of Jia Zhangke. The title of the article / interview, 美国电影PK电影文化称《变形金刚2》不如《三峡好人》or “American-Chinese movie fan says that Transformers 2 is not as good as Still Life.” This is entirely true, but I guess the notion is that someone would be crazy to think that a film about a migrant vignettes was better than barely coherent scenes of massive robots battling each other with flaming swords.

Hail People’s Liberation Turkey and Thanksgiving with Chinese characteristics = improvised Mexican food, Swedish liquor. Amazing. Leave it to we Americans to celebrate unabashed consumption. 

Determine blogging personality: I apparently write as an INTJ, which is what I tested as a few years ago. This site offers up a deep insight: “Marked with inability to clearly read people’s true disposition towards themselves, INTjs compensate for it with their acquired ability to piss people off.” Sounds right. 

Cultural imperialism: wonderful thing. This Swedish (government funded) public health site features extensive tutorials; like how to navigate your partner’s **** with your *******. Yes this is serious. The idea is that people are going to be engaging in all kinds of activities, best that they do so as informed as possible. The website even features a “PANIK” button so you can close it when your parents walk in.  

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